Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
