And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
