I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
