Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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