It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
