Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
