Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
