I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
