hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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