sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
