I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
