But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
