im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
