y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
