ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
