He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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