Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
