Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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