I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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