Just took my morning after pill in the library
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
