I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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