i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
