I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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