Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
