just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
