He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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