You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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