Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
