Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
