and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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