I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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