Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
