he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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