Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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