We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
