Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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