If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
