Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
