Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
