At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
