I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
