i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
