My friends, they love my intelligence
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
