Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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