I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
