I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
