i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
