Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
