I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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