In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just want nice things and good sex
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
