She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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