dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
