u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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